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Archive for April, 2010

confusing

it is still 9 am, too early to be confused
my mind is full of something
about my conversation with tari in the train yesterday
and also what already happened in the last three days in jogja
to be honest, it’s a small stuff that dont need to be worried
however, questions and opinions from others about “this” make the situation become more complicated

and here my story..
it was begun by pure friendship
and by the time goes, this friendship become more than just a friend
when I need him the most
when I realize that I depend on him
when I can tell every little thing to him
when I feel comfortable by the way he treats me
when his messages always make me smile
when having communication with him becomes a new needed
when this friendship changes to be “something”

i don’t know what I should call that “something”
called it love? i don’t think so because it’s just too early
called it friendship? hmm, i think it’s just more than a friendship
called it open relationship? hello, we didn’t discuss about it before
so what is it?

then several questions appear to haunt my mind
what happened to me and him?
what do we want? why do we do this?

I have two choice..
first is limit our conversation and return it to be an usual conversation
but it will have risk that we will not have good relationship like now
i dont want it happens to us, because i still need him
second choice is talking with him what happen to us
but I dont want to make this relationship become more serious
or even, by discussing our feeling, we will decide to separate
hmm, just the two of confusing choices

I don’t know what I should do
because, actually, I don’t know what I want
hey you, please use your initiative to make it become clear for me..

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