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nothing to do

i don’t have anything to do this night
actually, i’ve planed to study investment management as preparation for my middle-test next week
but, the plan is ruin by my lazy-mood and solitude feeling hehehe

so, i choose to write blog than i’m tortured with the loneliness
i’m so sorry if this blog is ngalor-ngidul and full of complaining
because i just need to express what i feel and there wont be any point from this post hehe

it’s sunday night, that means i should go back to my activity tomorrow
to be honest, i am bored with my activities
especially my boring internship where there is nothing to do and just sit down for 8 hours/day
and my internship is still 7 weeks to go (please just fast-forward this part)
i want my college life back, please…
i’ve just realized that school is much better than working

and tonight i feel solitude
my friends are too busy with their things, so do my siblings
adi usually accompanies me in the night with bbm or ym
but today, his BIS is unactivated and he is not home
so, here i am. feeling solitude because no one to have talk with
hmm i want to call someone but i dont know whom
i want to have chat/ym/sms but there is no interested-people in my online list
i want to study, but my brain is not ready enough

i’m very labil this night
too lazy to do anything
feel boring with all the things around me
i want to something new, i want holiday please…
or you, just go home soon to make the black of mine to be rainbow color

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for my-old-G

sorry…
for being so immature
for being so egoistic
for being so childish
for being so dependent
for my over-honesty
for crying for you
for my selfish love
for always missing you
for wanting you THAT MUCH
for keeping you so tight
for my stupidity
for my unwanted situation
for this “yes girl”
for giving you sleepless nights
for every fight and emotion
for those tears
for the unwanted calls
for my believe and dreams
for being so blue

when those “sorry” didn’t work anymore
should I give up or chasing payment?

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i need to talk

i do HATE this feeling
and this feeling comes again this night

dear God, can you give me a SUPER ability to control my feeling so i don’t have to care about all the things that he has done
why have all-the-things-about-him made my mood change drastically?
he was success made my mood jump like a roller coaster

have you ever felt how uncomfortable hiding something??
and i felt it now, it is very uncomfortable
i just want to have more time to talk with him
talk about my feeling,my opinions,and about us
i cant hide it anymore, and i cant wait longer
seems i should call superman to pick me up to his house, then i am going to shout out all the things in front of him

i have hide it for about two weeks,why??
because i think there isn’t right time yet for us to talk
the first reason is about fasting and lebaran time, i didn’t want to destroy those holy moments; second is about his own problems that make his mood become uncontrollable; third is we are separated more than 100km away
aaaarrrrrgghhh, then i should deffer to the situation
oh please god, i just need to talk with him
whatever the result, I will accept it but please give me an opportunity and the right time for us to talk…

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I made a night telephone call with someone…
we have night chat for 2-3 hours…

he said :

“I am a stupid boy….
I am very sorry to hurt you
and now, you have just taught me a new lesson of life”

then he cried……………………

PS :
I don’t need your sorry
I don’t need your cry
everything I need and want is YOU

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